My biggest wish..

Today has been a hard day. Although I had a day off from University I had a rehearsal for a play I am directing. Travelling to Uni with my friend we started talking about 'deep issues' and she (knowing my issues with self confidence/esteem/generally appreciating myself) started asking me why I was so insecure. I don't know why I am, since I can remember I have hated everything about myself. 

• My body
• My hair
• My weight
• My face
• My teeth

I know everyone has their own issues with themselves but mine are so bad. I constantly compare myself to others and never ever appreciate what I have. I feel so selfish because I have a disabled brother who is constantly in a wheelchair, and compared to his life I have so much. I just can't seem to be happy and appreciate myself.

Anyway, on this drive into Uni we got talking about guys (i'm single) and it made me realise how although, I want a boyfriend, I have so many insecurities it would take me forever to be confident and trust a guy/feel confident with no makeup/just woken up/without clothes. The thought tires me, and makes me miss my ex who unfortunately for me, broke up with me last Autumn literally just as inside I felt 100% confident about letting myself go with him (I'd been with him a year and it took me that long)

So arriving at Uni I felt terrible, just wanted to throw myself into a hole and stay there, with a massive migrane.

Some people wish for objects-money, houses, cars..I just wish I could love myself and let myself go and BE HAPPY.

Love S xx